my phone needs a breathalizer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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