i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
