No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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