I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
