I wanna passion pit in your ass
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
