It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
