I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
