Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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