I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
