I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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