I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
