Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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