party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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