***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
