Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
