Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
