Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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