the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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