Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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