uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
