All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
