Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
