Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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