If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
