So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
