Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
