woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
