Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
