I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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