I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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