I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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