Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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