remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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