Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
