I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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