D3 body, D1 cock
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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