pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
