I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
