She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
