All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
