My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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