So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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