...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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