I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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