well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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