She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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