Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
