cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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