i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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