No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
